Harder Family

Harder Family

Wednesday, March 6, 2024

Update 3/6/24: Fear is a Liar


Isaiah 26:3 “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.”

Jeremiah 17:14 “Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for You are my praise!”

Fear is a sneaky little thing. It can be subtle as it first comes at you. Suddenly, it pounces and it can cause you to feel paralyzed. This happened to me last week. I read something online about my cancer that sent me spiraling. I felt overwhelmed with fearful thoughts. I know scriptures like we are to take every thought captive (2 Cor 10:5), and do it be anxious about anything (Phil 4:6-7), but in that moment, fear pounced and was threatening to paralyze me. After spending some time in prayer, I reached out to a few people to pray for me. One of them sent me a few verses, including the verses above. I could feel people’s prayers helping me and I felt peace. 

During the night, I was assaulted once again. It seemed like every time I woke up, I was instantly hit with fearful thoughts. In the book of Psalm, we see David cry out to God a lot at night too. It’s like satan likes to hit us when we are the most vulnerable. Psalm 77:2 says, “In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my souls refuses to be comforted.” Or in Psalm 22:2-3 “O my God, I cry by day, but You do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest. YET, You are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel.” I realized today that I was getting to put into practice what I have been reading about, learning how to lament and be brutally honest with God. I told Him that this diagnosis scares me and that I’m weary. I told Him I’m praying for a complete healing, and yet I trust His plan for my life. As much as I fear not being here for my kids and them growing up without parents, I also know that He loves them even more then I could imagine and He will take care of them if we aren’t around. So, I can rest peacefully knowing that they are in the best hands…God’s hands. Meanwhile, we keep pressing on and trusting God with the future. 

Update Wayne: Wayne’s palliative team came the other day. They couldn’t believe how well Wayne was doing. She said he looked better now than he did 6 weeks ago. Wayne walks around the house again with a cane and we have even ventured to the gym for him to walk on a flat surface. Thankfully, he is much more cautious now and doesn’t push himself too hard. I believe he learned his lesson with his broken ankle. 

He also continues to work hard on speech. Not being able to communicate clearly has been the hardest thing on him, and to be honest, is hard on all of us. It takes a lot of patience to wait for him to try to speak and sometimes, a guessing game ensues. We are all thankful that he is doing as well as he is. Once again, we are reminded that doctors are wonderful, but only God numbers our days. As Wayne says, God isn’t done with him yet. 


Rebecca Update: It has been one full week since I completed my radiation, which has been wonderful. I don’t miss the daily drive to Lexington! If you missed it, God provided a gong for me to borrow. Below is a quick clip of me banging my gong to show my radiation was over. I felt silly, but also seen by God. I made the most of this celebration by spending some time relaxing and enjoyed some fun food with the family. Now I’m back to buckling down: eating right and exercising. 

When I reached out to one of my friends that I mentioned above, she made me some laminated verse cards with the verses my other friend shared. It was totally God’s perfect timing. She was traveling from IN to WV and passed right by our house. Jennifer, and Jody, have been such an encouragement to me. Thank you for the special gift! 🩷






My sister and I celebrated the end of radiation with Indian food! 



I brought cupcakes to my oncology and radiation team as a thank you for all that they do for me. I love all of them!


Lots of vegetables and fruit! Eating to keep my body strong and keep cancer at bay.



I grew my own sprouts! This is a new adventure I’ve added to making my own kombucha and juicing. It only took 4 days to grow my own sprouts. I read they are supposed to be a great cancer fighting food, so I’ve added it to my daily menu.

Wayne at counseling. Cornelius decided that he liked Wayne. At first he was unsure because Wayne was so tall, but he quickly realized Wayne is sweet.


Cooking class with friends.


PE for school 


Celebrating Dr. Seuss: reading books, diagramming Dr. Seuss sentences, and of course eating goldfish and Swedish fish along the way.


We spent Saturday and Sunday at church for missions emphasis. We cheered Shan on during the cornhole tournament and my cookies sold for $400, which all goes to support the youth mission trip fund. It’s always a fun evening. 


Wayne hasn’t lost his touch! He looks good with a baby in his arms.




My friend Juyi, who is from Taiwan, sent gifts home with her son Jujubi. We had a very nice visit with him and I cannot wait to cook with the XO sauce he brought to us. His mom makes the best!!


Sophia may get mad at me, but I’m so proud of her and her accomplishments with Civil Air Patrol. She persevered with a sprained ankle traveling all over DC for the week. She had meetings with congressional leaders and even met with Andy Barr. Sophia still hasn’t 100% given up her dream of West Point and she is one step closer to that becoming a reality. 









Sophia took this picture for my dad, who loved James Bond.




What a great group of young people! I’m so glad we discovered Civil Air Patrol! 


Some fun Facebook memories from this day: this was right before Wayne’s brain surgery in 2015 for his cancer. Below: Wayne taking the girls sledding.



I had to recuse Grace today. She was as waiting at the light to go get gas, and she ran out of gas. Like father like daughter! This is her walk of shame.🤣

Prayer Requests:

- Wayne: that his speech improves and that we are able to get him into a new PT/speech program at Clark Hospital so that he can be challenged more with PT. Just pray that we continue to make the most of every day. 

- Rebecca: please just pray for me as my body heals for treatment and for my pet-scan that will be happening in a few weeks. Please pray for a complete healing from this cancer so that I can spend many more years with my kids. 

- Kids: Grace and Naomi are traveling to FL in a week. Grace will be joining her Life Action team in FL and Naomi will be staying with friends and volunteering at Ethnos360 for a few days. Please pray for a safe drive and that God would use each of them. Please also pray for Naomi as she is making decisions about next year. 

Abigail is looking for a job and so far isn’t having any luck. Please pray that God brings the right job her way. 

We decided to send Micaela and Joella to school next year. Please pray for all of us as we make this transition. It will be the first time in 13 years that I won’t be homeschooling. With all that has gone on this year, we thought it would be wise to give everyone a break and give them a chance to get out of the house since this year has been hard on them. 



A friend sent me this song and I thought I would share it.  




Monday, February 26, 2024

Update 2/26/24: Count Down

Luke 12:7 “Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.”

Psalm 56:8 “You’ve kept track of all my wandering and my weeping. You’ve stored my many tears in Your bottle-not one will be lost. For they are all recorded in Your book of remembrance.”

Something I keep discovering is how much God really loves and cares for us. This week has been hard. I have shared with a few friends that I’m weary. I think all the hard stuff has just piled up and overwhelmed me. I realized being a caregiver is hard. We are entering the one year mark of starting this caregiver role. When you add my own cancer struggles, it just feels like a lot.

Over the past few years, I have learned a lot about myself. Through Celebrate Recovery, I have learned some amazing life skills to help navigate hard things. But, I am also human and still struggle a lot. On Friday, I had reached a low point. I was exhausted from radiation and my trips to Lexington, worn out from being a caregiver, tired from being a wife and mom, and to top it all off, I was sleep deprived because I had to take Sophia to the orthopedic early Friday morning for an ankle injury. Needless to say, I had a meltdown. In that moment, I told my family I was going to buy myself a ticket and fly to Florida to be alone. I told them I was tired and worn out. I complained that they forget that I have cancer too, on top of caring for their dad. Looking back, I was throwing my own personal tantrum. It’s pretty bad that going to radiation that day felt like a mini-vacation. I had to humble myself and apologize to my family for my poor behavior. But in that space of being real, the reality of all the hard had caught up to me.

I think we can feel in those hard times that God doesn’t see and that maybe He doesn’t care. But then He shows up in some pretty amazing ways to remind us that we aren’t alone and He cares. Tomorrow is my last day of radiation. When Wayne completed his 3 weeks of radiation last year, he got to hit this huge gong to celebrate. It was pretty amazing. I have been looking forward to celebrating in some big way like that. Last week during my weekly appointment with my radiologist, I saw that their version of celebrating was a cow bell. That bummed me out and I was thinking today before radiation how great it would be to ring a gong. So, I started trying to locate one. I called all the music stores and was unsuccessful. I found out where there may be a gong or two that I could travel to, but I really wanted to celebrate with my radiation team. 

This afternoon, a Facebook friend had shared my request and was boldly asking others to pray for God to provide a miracle gong for me to ring, which meant a lot to me. We have been studying prayer at church the last few weeks and how we should be willing to pray big, bold prayers. Well, tonight as I was making Wayne dinner, I decided to check my Facebook account and saw that miracle prayer answered. A fellow CC mom had a gong me to borrow! When I had posted my request, I knew it was a long shot. But with God, nothing is a long shot!! God showed me that He cares even about the little things in our lives. Look, if I’m honest, I would have been fine to ring the cow bell. But God loves and cares about me so much, He decided to show up and provide a miracle for me. 

Update Wayne: Wayne is getting stronger each day. He was finally released from his boot last Thursday. He has been working hard with his exercises and is back to walking around the house with a cane. He still uses his wheelchair out in public because his muscles are very weak. But what an answer to pray Wayne has been too. He truly is my miracle man. We just need to pray that God would restore his ability to speak. I know he is frustrated almost every day with not being able to communicate with us and others.



Wayne went with me to my radiation on Thursday since he had his orthopedic appointment right after. It was fun to spend the time alone with him.


Update Rebecca: Tomorrow is my last day of radiation…yay!! I met with my oncologist on Friday. The plan is for me to now move my immunotherapy to every six weeks. When my appointment was over, I hugged my amazing doctor and told her I loved her, but I’m thrilled that I don’t need to see her for six weeks! We will wait a few weeks to schedule my petscan to give my body time to recover from radiation. 


Counting down the last 5 days.




Friday I had radiation, blood work, my oncology appointment, and my immunotherapy. I brought my infusion nurses so homemade chocolate chip cookies.


Today I brought a little surprise for my radiation team. I hope they know how much I appreciate them. Tomorrow I’m bring us all a special treat to celebrate together…cupcakes! I also bought my radiologist a little gift to thank him for the great job he’s done.


I have been working hard to try to get back into shape. My treatments cause me to gain quite a bit of weight and on top of that, between wanting to give my body time to recover during treatments and not feeling well, exercise didn’t happen. I’m so thankful for friends that make working out more fun!🩷


Sophia survived her weekend survival camp in PA. This girl’s determination just amazes me.




Thankfully, she only sprained her ankle. I told the orthopedic I need a frequent user punch card. I had been there the day before in the same room with Wayne. 



Matching boots, just a smaller size! Wayne’s size 13 in men vs Sophia’s 6 in women.



Sophia is in DC this week with Civil Air Patrol as part of the National Legislative Day delegation from KY! She almost missed out because of her injury. This girl loves Jesus, runs after her dreams, and is a hard worker. 





I have to give a shout out to Naomi for driving Sophia to the drop off for her event. They had to leave the house at 4:45am on Sunday. Naomi knew I was teaching the ladies group, so she drove Sophia for me. Naomi has been such a blessing the past year with all her help with the kids. She has huge heart for Jesus too and I cannot wait to see what God had in store for her next!


Micaela and Joella have had some fun adventures with their friends. Hikes, games, breakfast, and spending time crafting. Joella has been making a lot of bracelets and loving every minute. I keep reminding her that now that radiation is ending, school is going to get a little more intense for her for the next couple months. She was not thrilled!




 Prayer Requests

- Wayne: For continued improvement in his strength and that his speech would improve.

- Rebecca: that my body would fully recover from all of the treatments and that ever cancer cell will have been destroyed by the treatments!

- Sophia: for her ankle to heal completely and for her to shine brightly in DC as she interacts with other cadets and members of Congress.

- Naomi: wisdom and guidance for where God wants her to go after school. She’s looking into some mission options for the summer.

- Grace: for her upcoming travel with her team in FL and for her college classes. Please also pray that God grants her wisdom to know what steps she needs to take in the future.

- Abigail: she is still searching for a full time job so she can pay off some college. Please also pray for her as she completes the last couple classes she needs to graduate.

- Joella & Micaela: for their school and their hearts as they trudge through all this hard stuff in our lives.

- Shan: that he continues to grow in his knowledge of God and help him process even more hard things in his life.

Thank you for walking by our side and praying for us. We love all of you and appreciate everything!